


if you believed in superstitions (then maybe you'd see the signs)

by hotmess_ex_press



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friendship, M/M, Music, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Secret Crush, title from "sitting waiting wishing"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 13:32:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19335520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotmess_ex_press/pseuds/hotmess_ex_press
Summary: "Jooheon..." Changkyun starts, unsure of how to communicate that twinge in his lungs, how he's sorry and he doesn't know why but he feels as if he's missingsomething, something important, something Jooheon wanted him to know years ago.





	if you believed in superstitions (then maybe you'd see the signs)

"Just one," Changkyun demands, one hand holding the notebook high over Jooheon's head, the other hovering over his lips in an attempt to hide his smile. "Please Honey, I _promise_ I won't ask for another."

"No," Jooheon whines, arms now thrown over his face instead of stretching for his most prized possession. The sections of his legs that won't fit into Changkyun's lap are dangling off of the mustard yellow couch cushions. "They're shit."

"They are _not_ ," Changkyun exclaims with more certainty than he usually exercises when talking about things he knows nothing about, but Hoseok brags that Jooheon is top of their composition class, and Jooheon has a bad habit of scribbling lyrics onto napkins and gum wrappers that he forgets in the pockets of Changkyun's stolen sweatshirts. He'd like to think he isn't _quite_ clueless. "You never show me your music anymore."

Jooheon narrows his eyes but Changkyun is hopeful. "There's a reason for that."

And, _oh_ , that hurts a little, because Jooheon doesn't know that _Changkyun_ knows about the music department's showcase he wasn't invited to, didn't even hear about until the day after. Chanyeol and Minhyuk walking up to him at the bus stop because they can't see each other in the halls anymore, Chanyeol asking _where were you last night? Jooheon said he told you about the show. He killed both his pieces_. And Changkyun understands there must have been _something_ he did to make Jooheon so scared of sharing anything with him, because Minhyuk, who Jooheon tells _everything_ , wouldn't meet his eye.

It didn't used to be like this, Jooheon and him used to rap at karaoke and compose, backs hunched towards each other and headphones snapped on but still _together_ , until the sun was tumbling through the cracks in the curtains and the had to scramble to the bus for their first classes. Changkyun dropped out to work full time, never expecting anything to change, but Jooheon stopped staying the night and Changkyun stopped listening to music, Changkyun's gaze started lingering just a moment too long, _absence makes the heart grow fonder_ at first but something a little too close to adoration now, and sometimes he thinks he catches Jooheon looking back.

Changkyun frowns, focusing back on the warm boy splayed across his couch. He should be glad that Jooheon is here at all. It takes everything in him to widen his eyes, pout a little, plead one more time. " _Honey_..."

"Fine," Jooheon takes Changkyun's momentary surprise to snatch his notebook of lyrics back. Changkyun grins so hard it hurts. _Small triumphs_.

"You're going to sing, then?" Changkyun questions as Jooheon wanders over to his backpack. Jooheon laughs but nothing is funny.

"I don't sing."

He walks over to the coffee table, sitting cross-legged and back to Changkyun, opening his laptop. Changkyun shifts, leaning over as far as he can and peering over Jooheon's shoulder, breathing against his neck just to hear his little huff. The cursor hovers over a file, switches to another one, goes back. Jooheon exhales again, something weighty and nearly imperceptible.

"Will you give me a song, after?" his voice is either laced with some unfair sort of _need_ , or Changkyun is projecting again.

Changkyun reaches around him, hand settling over his and clicking the first file before Jooheon can protest. He doesn't move his hand, Jooheon's skin soft and smooth under his palm. "Just play it."

"Wait--"

"Shh."

Jooheon is tense as the first notes of a light instrumental strain through the computer's shitty speakers. Changkyun drapes his weight over Jooheon's back and closes his eyes, waiting for Jooheon to melt into him the way he always does.

The composition is unsurprisingly perfect. Changkyun thinks of Jooheon slaving over it, up too late curled into his own bed, and feels an ache in his chest. It's surprisingly muted, cloud and cream where Jooheon is usually lapis lazuli and gold, and strangely melancholy in a numb, plastic way. Jooheon hums the melody, head tilting against Changkyun's neck. His hair tickles Changkyun's chin, and Changkyun grips his hand.

His eyes fly open when Jooheon starts singing, quietly at first before crescendoing into something tangible. And yet he is still so _soft_. His gaze is lazy, directed at the laptop screen, but a blush dusts high along his cheeks as if he can sense Changkyun's stare. He is beautiful.

Jooheon doesn't sing the way he raps, hard and fast and magnetic; he sings tender, rich, a bit broken. Changkyun sinks into the easy crest of his voice, bittersweet, almost too entranced by the sound of Jooheon's soul wobbling on the tip of his tongue to catch the lyrics. Something about want, winter and roses and forgetting the way lips met skin, and _oh baby darling love_.

The song fades out but Jooheon's last note carries on a beat longer, sweet and high and a bit trembly. Jooheon peels himself slowly away from Changkyun, and everything is empty without his constant warmth.

"Jooheon..." Changkyun starts, unsure of how to communicate that twinge in his lungs, how he's sorry and he doesn't know why but he feels as if he's missing _something_ , something important, something Jooheon wanted him to know years ago.

Jooheon doesn't look up, exiting the program and slipping his computer back into his bag. Changkyun isn't sure but he thinks he catches Jooheon's sleeve quickly dragging across his eyes. "Walk me home."

"I'll walk you to the park." The halfway point, because Changkyun doesn't want to find out how long his body can take the unmerited regret stiffening the air between them before he collapses into Jooheon, hands first, arms second, naked heart third. Lips maybe.

The night air is cold against them, seeping through thin sweatshirts and Jooheon's white shirt. Jooheon steps closer and Changkyun walks slower, pressing their elbows together with a sort of nonsensical loneliness. Jooheon flicks his hair out of his eyes, the line of his throat illuminated as he looks up at the stars. Changkyun's strides falter when they reach the rickety park. _The park, you said. Don't be a liar._

He grits his teeth as Jooheon pulls away, smiling gently.

"Jooheon," he calls weakly, catching his sleeve, tongue heavy in his mouth.

Jooheon gazes at him, wary, concerned. Touchable. "What is it?"

"The song," Changkyun starts carefully. Trying not to move too fast. "Was it... was it for me?"

Jooheon exhales, a tiny, sad puff of air. "What do you want me to say, Changkyun?" he asks, and if Changkyun didn't know any better, he'd have guessed that was fear, poignant and misty in Jooheon's glittering eyes.

"No?" he tries.

"Alright," Jooheon smiles. "It wasn't for you."

He starts to walk away, and regret pries Changkyun's mouth open before he can think it through, try to dim the raw desperation edging his voice, wanting, _needing_ a different answer. "Wait!" he swallows thickly, Jooheon's figure stilling. "What if I had said yes?"

Jooheon turns around and backs away slowly, that maddening smile lingering, pensive and warm. His notebook is still clutched in his arms, his voice is still a bit unsteady, and Changkyun doesn't want to think about what that means. "You're fucking gorgeous," he calls out.

**Author's Note:**

> (i know nothing about music oops)
> 
> Comments and kudos are loved and cherished forever!


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